that thing called love...

'll tell you what real love is. It is blind devotion, unquestioning self-humiliation, utter submission, trust and belief against yourself and against the whole world, giving up your whole heart and soul to the smiter.’

-Charles Dickens

Love’s glory demeans you, its disgrace glorifies you. Its futility makes you worthwhile, it’s worthiness makes you feel futile. Its truth falsifies you at the same time; its naked deceit purifies your whole existence. Such is the paradox of love! When in love, we tend to die and take birth every moment. The pain takes over your existence and somehow, we start romancing with it. One can talk about the affair to oneself endless time, yet the story is never complete.

I always felt that there are different levels of being do exist at the same time. That may be the reason why one cannot understand the person existing at different level. We completely ignore other’s point of view rejecting it altogether. When in love, you exist in different levels at the same time. Your one level cannot understand other level and you keep shuffling between these levels. The magnificence of the whole world seems unworthy of pondering over when we look through the myopic lenses of love.

Whenever I went back to the roads of love a lot travelled, I found the trails of events which followed each other, there was lot of disconnect … somehow my life still found its worth being in those connects and disconnects. There are unending times, I can talk to myself about those said and unsaid words, relieve the pain, enjoy the agony and perhaps relive the sheer joy. And no matter where I went, I lived around that one axis. Seems no matter what I do to run away from it, my steps are always backward towards that point. I could never exactly find out whether I was tied down at waist to that certain point by some invisible rope that my steps are moving in the air at the same place or it was the memory lane which followed me to the long way. Perhaps I could never un-carry that baggage inside my heart and soul. Perhaps it’s matter of time and intensity of one’s experiences in past and present.

A Tribute to my Alma Mater

Please watch the video link given below..., perhaps you would like it, if you are an IMTian...

http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=5758819188766219298&ei=Uo_0ScDKBoukwgPo8LGtCA&q=IMT+-+a+tribute

Karma and Life

“Karma is a concept in Hinduism which explains causality through a system where beneficial effects are derived from past beneficial actions and harmful effects from past harmful actions, creating a system of actions and reactions throughout a person's reincarnated lives" (Wikipedia)

I sometimes wonder what is the logic behind ‘Karma’ if it is what really happens. This has lot of importance of Hindu Philosophy. Even westerners have given similar philosophy about life and death, good and evil…I happened to read a few books by Brian Weiss (Psychiatrist and Past Life Regression Expert) like Only Love is Real; Many Lives, Many Masters (which are based on true incidents), there also the Karma philosophy was reiterated.

What perplexes me that what is the point of punishing anyone for a wrong, which he/she cannot remember that s/he did! I won’t talk about getting rewards for the things; you cannot remember because who minds having chocolate, which you haven’t purchased. I mean it is like when I was in my nappies, I bit someone’s finger (innocuously) and as a punishment, I am getting a tight slap on my face by a third person when I am thirty year old (And Hell, I don’t even remember if I really did that, or someone is just slapping me just because s/he doesn’t like my face!). The ‘Karma’ thing is even worse, it punishes you for the wrong you did in other life and makes you culpable for the thing, hardly anyone can make you remember (until and unless you have a real good bank balance to afford you a Brian Weiss).

Whenever something bad happens to me, or nothing good happens to me (which is all in same thing and it happens quite frequently), few people tell me that it’s because of my ill past Karma in past life and I should do extra good things to nullify the bad effect. Perhaps they say this so that I don’t feel that life is not fair. But problem is that thinking about this ‘Karma’ effect, I feel this is more unfair because I don’t feel guilty at all for the past life doings(which obviously I don’t know) and I feel it is very unjust to penalize for the sin, which I haven’t committed, while others getting an extra pie every time, for the good they don’t remember they did (neither do I remember!). Even if I come to know what bad I did in the past life(even heinous things like I murdered… plundered...), I don’t think I will feel bad as it is not something in my conscious, it will be like someone is telling me bullshit story about me (since I think I cannot kill anyone or steal/plunder in ‘this’ life!)

Perhaps even if it is true, it makes life more unfair, because if this illogical rewarding/punishment is based on some philosophy of the destiny or the Supreme, then also it doesn’t give me any relief. It would have been better if the life’s good and bad are happening, just because they had to, there are no reasons behind all this. It’s so unreasonable that some illogical way of doing things was devised some day, majority agreed thinking it profound, it was declared to be best way and we unasked (for the opinion) living beings are at the receiving end of all this nonsense!

sUbLiMiNaL...

“I have heard when it hits you, you feel very light”

As I uttered this, all of a sudden the whole world around me started floating before my eyes. The air became so thick that I was feeling so much lighter in the comparison. The horizon was seeming wobbly, sometimes too far, sometimes too close by…my every single muscle seemed to be paragliding open in the heavens. While walking, I felt there was no force by the surface against my feet, it was just I was walking in free air with invisible support. My steps were becoming reckless and track aimless, and so were my talks. My imaginations had left all the bounds at that time. I started imagining the campus of IMT – bricked and brick red lobbies and lush green flora as the set of Super Mario ( a video game, I think most of us in my generation must have played) where everything was looking as pretty as picture, painted so very perfectly by an artist. I started feeling unusual silkiness of air against my face and started enjoying its scintillating touch. It was quite sunny at that time, but I felt as if harsh rays of sun are not touching me, but they are getting reflected back to the infinity. My thought process has become like Hariwansh Rai Bachchan's poetry, I was imagining things in different way deliberately and sometimes, spontaneously but I was enjoying the process at the same time because I never felt so childlike and creative, never felt like enjoying my being so much.

But at the same time, life around me started feeling like conundrum, every thread of the connection of thoughts, speech and actions so much entangled with one other that I was not able to decipher which one I did, which one I spoke and which thing, I merely thought. I knew I was floating in the ‘Highs’, I knew I am becoming extra verbose, I knew that this is not the way I generally behave, but I wasn’t able to control my whims and speech. My vocabulary in Hindi as well as English had become so restricted that though my mind was taking plunges in the depth and breadth of philosophy and imagination, but I was not able to articulate properly, I was finding it intricate to find words even for the elementary language. Though I never lost the track of ‘morally’ right and wrong things to do and I could easily judge, what will be a complete outrageous action to do and thing to utter, but at the same time, I wasn’t sure at which level this ‘High’ will lead to. I already had spoken few funny things on Mess Table like ‘ Are, koi bhukhe ko khana do’, which I realized just after I spoke was not a very right thing to say. Every sequence seemed dreamlike, when you don’t know what you are doing is in real or in the dream.

The pace of time had become very slow. The extreme ‘High’, which I experienced for about 1 and ½ hour seemed like half a day. And then, I just wanted to feel normal and leveled. It was becoming so very complicated for me to remember things just after few minutes passed. When I went back to take a bathe, my general pace of doing things had become so slow or felt so slow and disjoint that after every 1-2 minutes, I had to remind myself purposefully that I have to take a bathe. With every splash of water, I was imagining like I was in an ocean, unbound and relentless … and trying to survive from choking into water. I was feeling so very exhausted and so very suffocated with myself… I felt like being perished in the nauseated sensation. After taking rest for 2-3 hours, the sensation went back as suddenly as it came. It was as if my brain and senses have been kept in the simulated heavy air filled balloon and suddenly, I am taken out of the balloon to normal air. The unusual effect went down gradually with time, it took around one and half day for me to come back to the realm. And I am so glad that I am here back to self.

I never felt that way in real till the day of this Holi, when I tried out ‘Bhang’ for the first time. They say it hits harder on the teetotaler, who has never tried out any form of addiction. Perhaps, it is true as I was perhaps only one of the lots who didn’t have any prior rendezvous with any sort of the addictive material. And God, it was such a chaos for me that it became too messy to handle. When I was set, though I could experience unbound joys of the other world while being in the same, I also imagined the imaginary gases emanating from the ‘bhang’ and hitting my brain cells and making them slow and conditioned!!! (It may sound weird!). I felt that time as if I am never going to regain consciousness.

And I would never like to experience it again though I don’t repent experimenting with it once. After all, I got to know why being ‘High’ is called being ‘high’, not anything else! It was not good as an experience, but nevertheless not bad as experiment (just for once) either!

Dasvidaniya: Most welcome to the best goodbye ever

After ‘Taare Zameen Par’, it is one movie which impeccably captures the nuances of human emotions minus star presence of the perfectionist Aamir Khan. However, at the small budget level, the actors justify the intricacies of the characterization. The movie starts with the boring mundane life of the common man living at your next door, brilliantly portrayed by Vinay Pathak. This poor chap in his late thirties stays in the apartment in Mumbai Suburbs with his eternally Soap Opera watching whimsical Mumma and bears the brunt of Boss with much submission and diffidence. He religiously makes ‘things to do’ list on yellow note pad for each day and checks and rechecks for umpteen times in a day. After few frames, he discovers that he has only three months to live. Well, one can think of numerous Anands and Kal Ho Na Hos, which have dealt with this subject and have glorified ‘the undying spirit of the dying man’. But here lies the difference! Unlike Anand and Aman, this Amar (satirically put name for a dying man) doesn’t have a larger than life persona; he doesn’t live rest of his life for others, but like any other common man, lives for pursuit of his unfetched dreams, which he slowly discovers as the story develops. He attains Nirvana in a very unique but very much identifiable way. His ‘Things to do before I die’ list on the page of same yellow notepad is a list of wishes which most of us can relate with… going on a foreign trip, learning guitar, owning a car, meeting your childhood best friend(Rajat Kapoor) …..confessing love to childhood sweetheart (Neha Dhupia).

The protagonist has always lived under his shell and has always been receiving end of jerks from fellow passengers of local trains to the bullies of school goons as wells as the perpetually eating pot bellied Boss (hilariously portrayed by another Maestro Saurabh Shukla) develops his much opposite Alter Ego (which drives its characterization and costumes from Ranvir Shorey’s character in the movie). The progression through the movie shows the little endearing ways, he does his ‘things to do’ and immediately gives the tick mark to each one of them.

The movie combines high as well as low moments in its protagonist’s life, both so brilliantly and subtly assimilated with each other that you weep and laugh at almost same time. Story weaver has been successful in refraining from making the movie an out and out tear jerker. Whenever you feel there is little overflow of emotions and sadness, the strategically, but yet very subtly put tongue in cheek humor brings you back to light moment where you laugh at pure innocence characterization as well as comedy of errors in his life. Such an awesome blend of tragedy and comedy!

Vinay Pathak is definitely the show stealer. It was wholly his movie, and he has carried the whole movie on his shoulders very effectively keeping viewer glued to the screen. Over the years, He has developed knack of performing the ordinary characters of life in extra ordinary way. His dialogue delivery and expression of sensitivities of common man are so much adorable and consummate, that you can easily find one ‘Amar Kaul’ in your relation or neighborhood. Few of his scenes are poignant and yet so lovable that one can easily strike a chord with the character especially the scene where he expresses his love to Childhood love Neha Dhupia in Dumb Charades way under the rain. It is so intense and lovable that the delight he feels after confession of unsaid love actually brings same delight to the viewer, and thankfully it has not been brought to the point of being saccharine.

One other High point in the movie is character of Mumma of our dear Amar Kaul. She religiously watches Soap Operas juggling with the remote control buttons (as only buttons, she can deal with are Shirt Buttons!). Her eccentricity and authoritative tone is something, which not only shows strength of determination and hope in a long widowed lady but also makes you fall in love with very un-stereotypical mumma of Indian Cinema.

There are few scenes in the movie, which looks little bit clichéd. But when it comes to life and death, I believe, life becomes little that way and we can definitely forgive the story teller for few here and there faults. There are some similarities between Dasvidaniya and Hollywood movie ‘The bucket List’, but since I haven’t seen the movie, I was escaped from doing scene by scene investigations (well, thankfully!). However, Amar’s brief affair with Russian street walker and finding ‘love’ in his life was little incoherent with the script and could have been made more smooth with the storyline.

The movie, for a change doesn’t show death scene or even gradual deterioration of health of the protagonist, the end of the protagonist is just symbolized through black out of the frame. Climax is one of the high points in the movie where Protagonist gets to fulfill his one of the most coveted wishes in a hilarious and endearing way and Rajat Kapoor gives him 10/10 on his ‘Things to do before I do’ list in the end scene. Last, but not the least, his last and post death gesture of acknowledgement to all, whom he owed something in life reinstates the simplicities of the ordinary man. Indeed, the best goodbye ever!

Wanderlust

Long Lectures… perpetual projects and presentations… quibbling quizzes and endless exams and in between a sneak to the pristine beauty of Himalayas… truly a rewarding experience! The adventure was totally an impulse trip, where we five left the toils of MBA life for experiencing adrenaline rush in the veins and in just few hours, we were on the track for the trek in Uttaranchal with rucksack on our backs. Well, I believe, best of the experiences in the life are unplanned, when you follow your heart’s instincts rather than just pure logic.

After nearly 21 hours of road journey through serpentine trails between thread of peaks, reaching Joshimath was an enthralling experience in itself. There after, the hike to Ghangharia (this is the place, where the paths to Valley of Flowers and Hemkund Saheb are bifurcated) started and so did the exploration of alluring exquisiteness of Garhwal and many ‘less travelled’ points, where we trekked downhill and uphill through slippery rocks and thorny bushes to see unalloyed madness of waves of river Alaknanda at her adolescence. Reaching Hemkund Saheb was definitely strenuous, but nevertheless the serenity of the shrine adorned by the necklace of flurry White Mountains covered with snow and clouds was something which mesmerized us forgetting the hustles of arduous expedition. The Gurudwara and the Sarovar in front of it at nearly 4400 feet altitude was incredible objet d'art erected by the devotees.

On the way back to Ghangharia, we went to the Valley of Flowers. Despite it was autumn and not the appropriate season to visit it, its pale flora in the basin was giving a beguiling touch of tranquil melancholy. And the flowerless, yet exquisite ‘Phoolon ki Ghati’ made us in awe about its splendor in the rains.

Other destination, we visited was Badrinath, the Shrine of Lord Vishnu, which is one of the Char Dham of Hindu religion. Colorful and vibrant architecture of the temple has very much similarity with that of Buddhist Monasteries. The Neelkanth Parvat after sunrise had captivating view as even the whole valley was shrouded in darkness; the peak was the first one to be ushered by the white light of sun in early morning and was dazzling like a gemstone.

The last destination, we travelled was Mana village, which is at around 3 km distance from Badrinath and is the last village of India (or first village, depends on the side you are looking from). The scenery there reminded me of the perfect scenary; we used to sketch in our drawing classes in primary schools – the partly snow clad and partly green range of mountains gleaming in pristine glory, the river emanating from the middle… clouds ready to the cover the terrain and a small village with small huts inhabited with local people and fauna. This was one place, no matter how much I make an effort; I cannot put the words on the paper. One has to visit it to understand, what I mean. At Mana, lasted our escapades into the Garhwal.

They say that life is a journey and the places we go are various stations, where we meet so many people to carve new memories while holding old ones. And perhaps travelling is the best way, where one can learn something which cannot be imparted in any educational institute. Meeting and observing so many people, whose upbringing, culture and values are completely different from us and yet they are the part of the same Indian Diaspora was indeed one of the most enriching experiences I had. They breathe in the place so much far from what we call ‘modern civilization’, but they are so immersed in doing the ordinaries of life and yet they are more content and blissful than most of us. The melody of silence, one enjoys there gives such an ecstasy to the inner soul, which can give any music band a run for its money. However, I feel the diversity of the sublime landscapes, we visited, their smooth and steep curves and their colourful and sepia costumes were a just trailer of exotic and sumptuous aesthetics, Indians are blessed with. Incredible India indeed!